I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
