found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
