just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
