Im at strip club and am horny
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
