yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
