That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
