I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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