So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
