??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
