3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
