If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
