Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
