boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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