i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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