I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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