the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
