I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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