i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
