so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
