I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
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My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
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If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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