once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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