Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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