i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my shit smells like andre
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
