if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
