I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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