I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
