I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
