I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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