my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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