so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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