She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
