Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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