I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
