Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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