I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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