I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
