That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
