Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
