just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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