I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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