I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
