oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
