Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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