I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
