May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize