haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
