I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
