4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
