There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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