If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
