I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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