That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Randomize
