you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
