I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
