I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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