This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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