Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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