i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
