so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
