I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
