when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
