How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
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