My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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