explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
