Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
