Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize