We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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