ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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