He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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