When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
