Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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