took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
